


Silent Gestures

by illusionistweiss



Series: Recovery [3]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Let them be Soft, M/M, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, let them grow, let them heal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 20:11:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21214391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illusionistweiss/pseuds/illusionistweiss
Summary: In which Andrew has a rough night and Kevin and Neil let him know he's safe with them.





	Silent Gestures

The thing about recovery is that it was never a solid push. Recovery was all about getting up, falling down, and having the drive to stand up. Being able to always get up one more time than the world hit you. You hoped that the good days outweigh the bad ones, and if you believed in higher powers you prayed they would help you. Or so Renee said. The praying thing helped her, but Andrew didn't deal in fiction. He didn't believe there was a man in the sky who if you talked to him hard enough he would fix your problems. If he was real, why would such bad things happen to people? He had left that behind him long ago. 

No, Andrew dealt in the real things. He dealt in pain and promises and things he himself could control. For years he couldn't bring himself to let up on his control. His control over Kevin, over Aaron, over every aspect of his life. He never really got over needing control, hating anything that made him lose it. Over the years he's gotten a little better, but he never really got over the urge to control. He didn't see a need to completely get rid of that urge either. He stopped dust, stopped the self harm, and has been steadily going to Bee for years. It's all proof to him that something changed in his life, it's the difference between him staying alive to keep his promises and staying alive because he found an actual reason to live. Well, maybe two reasons to live. 

Kevin and Neil crashed into his life both messes and Andrew had the inexplicable urge to protect Kevin and tear through Neil's lies. That urge turned to protect somewhere along the line, though Andrew couldn't point out where. Kevin pushed him to be better, be more than Andrew thought he could ever be and Neil gave him his unwavering faith. Between the two of them Andrew began to hope, something he didn't ever see himself doing again. 

As good as all that was, Andrew still had the days where he couldn't handle touch, needed the utmost control, and even he could admit he was unbearable on those days. But there was something to be said about all of them being together for so many years. They knew what they all needed when they were in bad shape. Kevin liked having physical contact, something real to ground himself. Neil needed verbal reminders, facts telling him they weren't letting him go and he was real. Andrew, however, wouldn't admit to him needing any of these things. 

If you asked Neil and Kevin however, they would admit that Andrew didn't need things like that. If they tried talking about it he would snap and shut them down. They didn't even think about touching him on those days, knowing that would be one of the worst things they could do.

They had gotten good at seeing the signs that Andrew was gonna drop. They knew they couldn't really stop it, but they buffered the hit as best they could. 

And maybe Andrew needed to thank them for that.

So it was unsurprising when Andrew woke up in the middle of the night, gasping for breath and tangled in sheets, he expected the weight of his boyfriends and the feeling of them pressing too close but instead found them shifted as far away as they could, giving him the space he needed. 

He sat up and ran a hand through his hair, the other gripping the blanket too tight. Moonlight streamed through the window and fell on Kevin and Neil. Kevin was on his back and Neil curled up against his side, head resting on his chest. They looked so good together Andrew felt something stirring in his chest and he pressed it down, ignoring it for the time being. 

He slid out of bed carefully, doing his best not to wake the other two. He paused at the door way, sparing the others a small glance. He made his way through the darkened apartment and sat on the kitchen counter as he grabbed his pack of cigarettes. He opened the window and went to light a cigarette but paused when he saw his hands shaking. He huffed in annoyance and shook his hand out before lighting it and taking a long drag. 

He didn't know how long he sat there, but it must have been hours. He ended up not paying attention and smoked at least half a pack before making his way to the living room to sleep. 

When he woke up the first thing he noticed was a blanket on him that he hadn't had when he was going to sleep. The next thing he noticed were the cats sleeping on top of him. He heard quiet voices coming from the kitchen. 

"-get Drew's favorite ice cream." Neil said softly. He heard Kevin mumble in agreement and their footsteps heading his way. He closed his eyes and evened his breathing back out, not wanting to talk just yet. It was childish, but Andrew couldn't bring himself to care. They stopped in the living room and begun speaking quietly. 

"He left the room around 2, so I don't know how much sleep he got. But he'll wake up when he wakes up and let's just do what we can." Neil murmured.

"His pack is almost empty. I'll grab him some more too." Kevin agreed. "Text me if you can think of anything else, okay?" Neil hummed in agreement. There was a beat of silence before Andrew heard the quiet sound of them kissing before Kevin put his shoes on and left. He could feel Neil standing near the couch and made himself stay relaxed. 

"Sir, King, you're the exception to people touching him when he gets like this. So protect him, okay?" Neil said softly. He reached out and pet the cats gently before huffing quietly. They meowed at him as he left the room. Andrew laid there and must have drifted back off because the next thing he heard was the door opening. He shifted and stretched out as the cats meowed indignantly at their sleeping spot being disturbed. He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes, the blanket pooling around his waist. Kevin closed the door with his foot, hands full with bags. 

"Morning, Andrew." Kevin said softly. He moved and sat the bags on the kitchen counter before moving back towards Andrew. He stopped a couple feet away, as if remembering. He paused and watched Andrew for a moment. He looked satisfied at something and he turned back to the kitchen. He began putting the groceries up and held up a back of cigarettes. 

"These are the ones you smoke, right?" Andrew nodded and Kevin tossed the pack to him. 

"I noticed you were almost out." Kevin spoke softly, as if being loud would break the peace in the apartment. 

"Thanks." Andrew finally replied, his voice raspy from sleep. Neil trailed in when he heard their voices and glanced between them. 

"Morning sleeping beauty." Neil teased gently. Andrew rolled his eyes and stood up, making his way towards the others. 

"Yes or no?" Neil asked when Andrew stopped close to them. 

Andrew paused and thought for a moment. His skin still felt like it was crawling, but he could feel if settling. 

"No. Ask me in an hour." Andrew answered after a moment. Kevin and Neil nodded, before Neil reached in a grocery bag and pulled out a tub of ice cream. He grabbed a spoon from the drawer and held them out for Andrew. He took both and hopped onto the counter before prying the lid off and he began slowly eating it. Neil helped Kevin finish putting groceries up before they made a quick lunch. They made their way to the living room and sat on the couch. Andrew noticed the space they put between them as Neil curled into Kevin's side. He sat down with his back against the armrest and paused for a moment before throwing his legs onto Neil and Kevin's laps. They barely spared a glance his way before they gently put their hands on his legs and began rubbing his legs soothingly. 

Andrew huffed quietly and got comfortable as the cats filled in the spaces between them all. Neil and Kevin didn't push for anymore than what they got, and Andrew could feel himself settling more. He still felt off and wrong, but their combined touch was enough to wash away any remembered touches. 

They remained silent as they watched the movie, and halfway through Andrew finally managed to speak. 

"...thank you." He said quietly. Kevin and Neil both turned to him and a matching smile passed across both of their faces. There was plenty else Andrew could say, but he decided to leave it at that and trust that the two of them could hear everything else. 

"Of course." Kevin spoke up. Neil nodded his agreement before they let it drop. 

Maybe he didn't need the touch that Kevin needed, or the reminders that Neil needed, but somehow they had figured out exactly what Andrew had needed. 

Maybe Andrew could admit that it didn't make him weak needing their reassurances. 

And maybe Andrew could rely on them to be something steady he could lean on when he didn't think he could make it another day.

One day Andrew would be able to put how much they meant to him into words, but until then they would all be satisfied with silent gestures.

**Author's Note:**

> So its finally done! I love my boys and just want them to be happy and loved.  
Here's my [ Tumblr ](thieving-dirtyhands.Tumblr.com) and I recently made a [ Twitter](Twitter.com/Weiss_illusion)  
Come yell about fictional sports gays with me!


End file.
